When I
decided to make a web page in memory of my father, I did it for one reason only. To help
ease the pain I have from losing him. Never in my life did I feel so lost and
scared...the day God took my Daddy home. Everything you read here, the events of my life
are all written by me and written to the best of my memory.
Thank
you for stopping by.
********************************************
Let me start
of by telling you some history. My father had heart disease...(cardiomyopathy
and ventricular
tachycardia) both of these he battled for years, as far back as I can remember.
He died in
Madison, WI at the Veteran's Hospital awaiting a heart transplant. His body couldn't wait
any longer. That is one day that I will never forget. October 23, 1999 has relived in my
mind over and over again. I want to share with you the feelings and emotions I experienced
that day and the days leading up to it.
****************************************** I
remember when I got the call in September, 1999.
It was late at night and my mom was calling me in
tears. Although it didn't sound like my mom. I quickly
realized what had happened, my father was in the
emergency room. His defibrillator had shocked him
yet again. When I left my house, I wasn't upset
or nervous. Even though my mother was frantic. She
told me that he told her "this was it".
I got to the hospital and went back to see him.
She told me what happened and I went to see him.
He smiled. Asked me what I was doing there and said
"how's my boy?" Meaning his one and only
grandson "Rambo".
That
was a long night. My father was transferred to the
Veteran's hospital, where he had been going to for
years. They had to go in and change out his implanted
defibrillator. I knew he didn't want to do that.
He was scared. Although these few events are foggy
I do remember talking to him on a Tuesday night,
the night before the procedure.
Wednesday
came and I called my mother a few hundred times.
"Have you heard anything yet?" Nothing
she said. Night came and still nothing. She kept
calling the hospital. "He is still down in
the lab". We knew something was wrong. It had
been too long. I went over to my mother's house
that night and waited with her. Finally, we heard
from his doctor. He wasn't doing very well. And
she advised us to come to Washington the next morning.
So we left bright and early, my mother, my husband,
my cousin and me. When we got to the hospital, he
was in ICU and we were met by a number of doctors.
I remember being the first to see him and I must
say it was the worse sight I have ever seen him.
He had tubes everywhere and was heavily sedated.
He had his eyes open and was moving his head and
I talked to him behind the tears. I told him I was
there and that I loved him. He mouthed to me "I
love you too". I had to leave it was too hard
and I went in the hallway and lost it. I really
thought I was going to lose my father that day.
We prayed a lot that day.
In
the days that passed, he pulled through (as he so
often did) and came off of most of the machines
he was on, including the respirator. They even at
one point moved him to the "step down"
unit. But not for long, he had to go back to ICU.
The doctors told us then it was time for him to
have a heart transplant, his heart wasn't going to
make it if he didn't. Then they talked about him
going to Wisconsin to the Veteran's hospital there.
The next thing I knew it was planned and my father
and mother were on a private jet with the doctor,
2 pilots and a flight nurse on their way to Wisconsin.
I cried that day too.
They
arrived there on a Saturday and my mother called
me that night. He was getting settled in the ICU
and she was ok. Tuesday night, she called me and
said we (my sister and I) needed to fly to Wisconsin.
We left on Wednesday, October 20. I had never flown
before. My sister and my uncle were there but the
whole time I was thinking of my mom and dad.
In
the days after arriving at Wisconsin, we spent all
day at the hospital. My other uncle drove from Virginia,
so we had plenty of family there.
Friday,
October 21, I remember talking to my dad all day.
We kidded around as we always do. I remember him
staring at my mother. He loved her with all his
heart and I wish every person could know that kind
of love. You could see it in his eyes. I remember
giving him a "pedicure" and massaging
his feet. Before we left that evening I called my
husband and son and Dad got to talk to them both.
I'm so glad he did.
Saturday,
October 23
I
was up early that morning and after getting ready
my mother met me outside and said the hospital called,
your father is worse. We rushed over there and they
told us that he had taken a turn for the worse.
His other organs were shutting down. They had him
back on a respirator. We all came in and touched
his hand and talked to him. His eyes moved when
my mom talked to him. He knew we were there. He
was waiting for us.
The
doctor's asked us if they wanted us to "resuscitate
him". What kind of question is that? Of course
we did. As we all were standing in the hall outside
of his room I looked in and saw the monitor. His
blood pressure was dropping before my eyes. No one
else in my family saw it. I told the nurses and
they all rushed in. So many doctor's and nurses.
His doctor came out and told us he was gone....
I
think we were all in shock. And for the first time
in a long time I was a lost little girl again. I
lost my daddy whom I was very close with. It broke
my heart that day.
I
dream about him a lot. And he always makes me laugh.
He and I were very much alike and he was someone
I looked up to.
I
love you Daddy and you will always be with me.
Love
your little girl,
Cindy
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